6. Be calm under pressure. Kids watch how adults behave and act when they are mad, disagree with something, or take issues. Calm under pressure and self control sets a positive example. If kids are old enough to understand, adults can talk with kids about how they feel angry or mad in a certain situation, but deal with it by ___________ (fill in the blank as appropriate). Ask children to play a game of being angry or mad and what options they can take instead of fighting or yelling.
7. Kids fight for many reasons, and how adults react if they must intervene also helps to shape the course for future kid fights as well. If adults yell, embarrass, shame, or dole out angry or strong words, the result actually could be that the annoying child behavior of kid fights occurs again.
8. Try and eliminate, at least minimize, occasions for fighting. Consider all the reasons kids fight, and do what you can to take those incentives away. If they fight over where to sit at the table each evening, assign spots, and then rotate them, if necessary. Do they fight over colors of any object? Buy the same colors. Period. If they fight over who sits by mom, then the rule is mom sits by herself. Or, if they fight over the size of a piece of dessert or pizza, for example, then the one cutting the slices is the last to get to choose the piece. Know when youngsters are at their worst, such as when they're tired or hungry or just had a bad day, and minimize any potential fight zones. Children need to know they are loved equally and are special, regardless of how they act, but that you as an adult feel most happy when they are at their best. Sometimes a hug and/or a kiss is all a kid needs.
For more ideas on handling fighting kids, see "10 Things to Do When Foster Care Children Don’t Get Along" from About Guide to Adoption Carrie Craft.
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